The time leading up to a divorce can feel chaotic as many big life changes are happening all at the same time. The changes are not just with your relationship with your spouse, but also your children, schedule, living situation, and finances. While you can’t control every aspect of your divorce process, you can get organized and proactively set yourself up for a smoother process.
Get your professional team in order
Mental Health Professional: The divorce process can be a long, difficult road. You will lean on your friends and family for support, but everyone going through a divorce should also seek assistance from a mental health professional. Some counselors and therapists specialize in helping patients navigate the significant emotional challenges of a divorce. If you don’t know where to start, you can go to www.psychologytoday.com. There you can sort providers by practice area, availability, location, and insurance.
Financial Advisor: I often recommend clients seek advice from a financial planner. Some financial advisors hold a special certification called a Certified Divorce Financial Advisor (CDFA). They can run analyses for property division and create budgets to accommodate new cash flow realities.
Health Accountability: My suggestion to focus on health during the divorce process often inspires an eye roll, but hear me out. Your life is in transition, and your schedule is going to be different. What if you used it as an opportunity to create some new healthy habits? Countless studies have linked exercise to improved mental health, which is both challenging to maintain and absolutely imperative during divorce. Some ideas? Find a trainer, join a new gym, or rally some friends to share Apple Watch stats. Also, be aware of your intake. Avoid recreational drugs and drinking in excess; this is a tender time, and overindulging can have serious consequences.
Professional Organizer/Move Manager: Moving can be stressful during the best of times, but can be even more so as part of a divorce. Consider hiring a move manager/professional organizer to manage your move from start to finish. As a result, you will free up your emotional and physical energy to focus on other tasks and your physical and mental health. Organizers can assist you with going through your belongings so you can make a fresh start. They also help families set up duplicate/similar bedrooms for children at each parent’s home, so kids have a familiar and comforting environment. Organizers can even help co-parents set up a shared space if they are “nesting,” where the kids stay in the same home and the parents rotate in and out.
Collect your financial documents
During divorce, Oregon requires a substantial exchange of financial documents, which is called “discovery.” This includes tax returns, bank and investment statements, mortgage and loan documents, and insurance information. I recommend clients gather three years of tax returns, make a list of everything they own and owe, and then gather the most current statement for each account. Also, collect information about all insurance policies. Put all documents into an electronic folder (or use a binder if you prefer hard copies). If gathering and organizing documents feels daunting, consider reaching out to a professional organizer for assistance.
Track your monthly expenses
In every divorce case, both parties are subject to huge changes in cash flow. Married couples pool resources and enjoy economies of scale, which are lost during separation. It can be challenging to know exactly how much your life costs if you haven’t tracked all your expenses. I recommend tracking for at least three months and spending some time thinking about annual expenses that may not have been paid during that period.
Figure out how you’re going to pay for a divorce attorney
Divorce is expensive. Lawyers require a retainer at the outset of a case for $10,000 to $20,000. If your case is contentious, your fees could far exceed the retainer amount. If you and your spouse do not have the liquidity to pay for lawyers, then you will need to figure out how to fund your divorce process. There are often not easy answers, but it is something that must be addressed proactively. This may require loans from family members or putting attorney fees on a credit card.
Understand alternative processes to divorce
Not all divorce cases warrant a protracted proceeding. Do your research so you understand different options and identify alternatives that may work for your specific situation. If you and your spouse can agree on all the terms of your divorce, you can hire a lawyer just to draft and file documents on your behalf. You can also attempt mediation without lawyers. Another option is to participate in a collaborative divorce process where lawyers and parties are committed to the resolution of issues without any litigation.
Wherever you are in this process, you are not alone. Help and guidance are available.
Watch the replay of our “Ask the Organizer” FREE virtual event with special guest, Carey Haladay! [view here]
Carey Haladay, an experienced divorce attorney, offered valuable advice, discussed options, and described the divorce process in Oregon. We learned about the legal and financial aspects of divorce and gained a clear understanding of what to expect during this time.
Our expert team also asked Carey great questions to simplify your life and reduce stress during this difficult time. Whether you need legal guidance or organizational support, this event will provide you with the knowledge and tools to move forward confidently.
About Carey Haladay
Carey Haladay is an attorney specializing in divorce law at CMH Consulting in Portland, Oregon.